Thursday, October 23, 2008

Suitcase packed? Check
Work notified and time off approved? Check
Guess room set up for mom to visit during the recovery time? Check
Surprisingly large dust bunnies under the living room couch removed? Check

I have been running around trying to get ready for the pending surgery. My ICD has moved out of the pocket and is causing some issues and they are going in to fix it. While in there, they are going to pull that recalled lead and replace it with a new one.

I expect everything to go well, but as with any surgery that involves the heart, you would be silly not to get things in order before you go in. I have updated my will, I have my advance health care directives on file at the hospital and with my cardiologist and I have all my important papers in order for my family to find… just in case.

I have cleaned out my closets because that just needed to be done and I have stocked up on the dry goods and essentials so I don’t have to worry about grocery shopping while I can’t raise my left arm or lift anything for the first few months. I have made arrangements for my mom to come out for six weeks to help out and my kids can drive now and will be able to help out by running errands as needed. I think I am set. Now all I have to do is survive the actual operation.

Work has been a great distraction. I really enjoy my job right now and I have lots to keep my mind occupied so I don’t dwell on the surgery risks. My fingers are numb from typing up all the reports, but that way, when I go home, I get to whine about working too hard and not face the worries I have crammed into the corners of my mind.

However, it was a struggle this week to deal with writing up my Individual Development Plan. This is an exercise we go through annually where we document our short term and long term goals and work with our bosses to get assignments to meet those goals. I had just completed my will detailing what to do with my earthly remains should there be a complication. Somehow trying to figure out what I want to be in five years just seemed silly after that. I just want to survive next Thursday.

It is not that I expect anything to go wrong; it is just that I am at the point where I can’t do anything else about it. I have gotten everything within my control, controlled. Now it is all in the hands of others and hope they are all having a good day and things go well. And that is the hard part.

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