Sunday, August 17, 2008

And I can fly

Julia Lloyd
As my posts show, I have been trying to get on with life and not let the ICD in my chest stop me from having fun.

This hasn't been easy. While I am generally an optimistic person, there have been times that things seemed bleak. Last year was a tough one for me and it took some time to pull out. I was lucky, I had some people around me that cared. I had support that really came through.

This year has been much better. I have come to terms with the fact that there are somethings I can control and some things I can't. At work, I got a better job for a boss that knows what he is doing. At home, I got those fixer upper projects started and well, those still suck a little but at least I am trying. And as for my health, I have things I can control and things that I just can't. I can control my weight and activity level. I can't control the way my heart is formed. I can't control the way the heart cells conduct the electrical signals, or don't conduct. And I can't control when this ICD lights up.

By focusing on the things I can control, I have lost 32 pounds and I have a target of 28 more. I have increased my activities and feel great. Also by focusing on these things, I find that the spector of the things I can't control seem to fade into the background.

That fact has allowed me to push myself a little more. The more I get out and do, the more I feel secure that I can get out and do it. And now, I can fly... well, indoor skydive anyway. It was fun, and I will most likely do it again. Then, I guess I will figure out what I will tackle next... heck, maybe I will even try walking up the stairs someday.

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